A wife caught her husband stairing at a young sweet thing and a fight ensued.

The wife told her husband that there had better be something that would go 0-200 in 6 seconds in the driveway tomorrow.

The next day, a package was in the driveway. The wife went to open it and inside the package was a set of bathroom scales.
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"Filet that fish? Hell naw! I'll scale him, gut him, fry him up in grease, take him by the head and tail, and play him like a French Harp!" - Uncle Paul sometime in the 60s.