To me it comes down to how well you shoot, & how long is your reaction time.
When I carry its the gun & the mag that it has in it on me.
Yes I have more with me but I don't bring more in the restaurant with me. So I pack the 9mm, 15 rounds, but I much prefer the .45 for stopping & shock.
As for dumbing down the .357, you are so right there. About 1983ish I took a .357 125 grain jacketed hollow point in my right shoulder.
Just dumb luck that I lived, it hit my collar bone & shattered the bullet, broke my collar bone in 2 places, ended up with a non-reunion and a gap of about a half inch in my collar bone.
I was out of action for months. Plenty of power there.
I think that the .45 is still popular some what because they "dumbed down" the .357. I mean hey short fat & slow has been getting the job done for a lot of years.